With Valentine’s Day just a week behind us and my one-year anniversary approaching, I’ve got love on the brain (Rihanna Voice). For me love was always this movie like thing, butterflies in the stomach, take my breath away feeling. And it was also my healer. The dopamine rush that came from a romantic relationship is what I sought. I wanted someone to complete me.
And while it is something that is truly unexplainable. Something that takes hold of you and is quite possibly the best feeling in the world. It is not my healer, it is no longer my band-aid, and it is most certainly not perfect!
It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times
Before I got married, I thought things were complicated with my exes because they were not “the one.” And this is true, they were not the one for me to journey with beyond a certain amount of time. But I thought that once I met my husband, it would be smooth sailing and problem free.
But a year later…I have learned!
Love can be difficult. When you decide to journey on this thing called life fully committed to this other human and having this other human fully committed to you, it is just that a journey.
You’re learning and growing with this person, but you are also learning and growing individually. And it’s this constant commitment to meet each other in the middle. It’s a commitment to always checking in. Not to mention life will happen, and you have to deal with those trails together.
Falling for Me
I’ve also learned that you can fall and not lose yourself. Remember that dopamine rush, prior to this relationship I wanted to so badly to fall into someone. I wanted that man to scoop me into him because then I wouldn’t have to deal with the darkness of me.
But it’s incredibly unfair to both of us to give him that responsiblity. I am responsible for my happiness, I am responsible for my completeness. I am everything to myself. My husband’s love and acceptance is a fortunate addition to aforementioned.
I put me first now. I didn’t always though. I was trying to win wife of the year then quickly realized that only resentment comes with that award. Once I learned to put myself first, it became easier to be there for him. Because I was now operating from a place of surplus. Lisa Nichols says you have to love from your saucer meaning you have to love from your overflow. When you love from your overflow, you have taken care of your needs and are fully equipped to help others.
It’s only year one, but I look forward to the love and to the lessons.
A Woman in Process