Last Wednesday, I could not get out of bed. I was tired, lethargic, just out of it. I had the day off so I slept most of the day away. I couldn’t even make it to the gym, in fact, I hadn’t worked out since the Saturday prior. Might not seem like a big deal, but for me skipping 3 days means that my body is not where it needs to be. But we know this already. I’m going through it, as they say. I called my mommy as I always do when life seems unfair. She told me to just get up.
I did that, even though I had to literally hold on to walls as I showered. I got up. Slowly as the day progressed I felt better. Somewhere between not being able to get out of bed that day and writing you today, I have found myself across the Manhattan Bridge drenched in sweat. I remember hearing my best friend say repeatedly “just don’t stop.”
I had biked 6 miles to and from home, across that bridge. It was so hard, I don’t know where that strength came from. Since then we’ve biked a few more times, I’m totally hooked! It’s not something that comes easy for me, I’m often scared when cars get close or people for that matter. I have a long way to go but it is a fun new hobby.
What I learned that day is, when you feel like you can’t walk, you bike across the Manhattan Bridge. Biking (my new found love) like running (my old love) takes an incredible amount of endurance, just like life, you have to will yourself through those moments.
I’m the most confused I have ever been, completely vulnerable, I have made major decisions that will forever impact my journey. It took a remarkable amount of courage to leave that job and I won’t tell you that every day I feel confident about that decision but today I do.
A Woman in Process