I’m On My Way to Who I AM

 

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Life has a way of always keeping you on your toes; just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, you realize how much there is to know.

A few days ago I had an eye injury at work that has kept me away from everything; work, exercise and life at large. It’s hard to do much when you can’t see. I started to feel sorry for myself, not remembering that people deal with no sight and far worse on a daily basis. But as I have always said your burden is yours and your feelings are always valid no matter the nature of the problem.

For me it is less of feeling sorry for myself and more of “sick of being sick.” I have these grandiose plans for my life and it seems that every time I have things under control, my body decides not right now. I wake up most days not being able to leave the bed. I catch a cold just looking at someone sneeze. I’m often tired and unable to go has hard as I would like. Most days I do a great job of covering it up because I know my loved ones are tired of hearing how sick I am. But some days I can’t hide, my body won’t let me.

The 3 year anniversary of my total thyroidectomy is a couple weeks away. It’s remarkable to think that I still haven’t gotten back to me. Please don’t get me wrong because I am incredibly grateful to even be able to type this; back then I really couldn’t do much of anything. I won’t discredit the progress I have made. But I want more.

Just when I wanted to throw in the towel, move back home to upstate New York and start over. I remembered who I am. I am someone on a journey. A good friend had to remind me of this. He has been such a positive influence in my life. Many people claim to be there for you and are not really there when the chips fall because of the nature of my illness the chips fall quite a bit. I know it is hard to be around me at times. For as long as I have known him, he has been nothing but positive.

He said to me “This is take care of V TIME.  It’s all apart of your self love. I’m glad you went home though to get your support and strength. You have to look at all of this. You’re a fighter. And in the mist of all the shit that’s coming your way you’re still fighting and winning. You have to believe that. When you chose to take this journey to be a better you. You signed on to everything that comes with it. So when you start empowering women you can tell them, look it’s going to be okay.  And you’re speaking from experience.”

Those words were exactly what I needed. I got up today to write this post and Pandora put the perfect song on, again a confirmation of where I am in my life.

I am so far from perfect
I thought life was worthless
Until you showed me who I am
Not here by mistake
No luck, only grace
I’m on my way to
Who I am

No matter what it is you are facing, please continue; just keep going! I won’t give up and I expect you to do the same.

A Woman in Process

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