I decided to go back to therapy. I was seeing a therapist last year to work through my childhood issues that I felt were plaguing my relationships with men. I stopped seeing her for whatever reason. I think a part of it was that I genuinely got busy but most of it was because I didn’t want to face my decisions. She was hitting on topics that at the time I was not ready to address. I was “happy” or so I thought. Last week, I went through a traumatic experience. Something that shook me to my core. I keep replaying the moments and what I could have done differently. Those around me think I’m fine. But I learned that fine means F’d up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional . And that’s exactly where I’m at.
I’m a person of action and I’ve had a week of the self-loathing. So besides working out and writing, therapy is the solution. I find that talking to friends can do more harm than good. Not many people know about what happen recently which makes it even more difficult to discuss. My therapist serves as non-basis individual, her sole responsibility is to listen and offer strategies for my healing. It’s interesting because growing up culturing it was/is frowned upon to tell people your business. Therapist and people of that profession are considered unnecessary. But you have to do what you need to do, to cope. We will continue to be tested in this life. You don’t have a lot of control over what happens around you. All you can control is your reaction to what is happening. I want to heal, I want to love, and I want to be better.
A Woman in Process